Jill and Kevin's Divorce Court Entrance

By now, many of you have doubtlessly seen this video making the rounds around the web of a rather unique wedding procession. Sadly, the stats say that it's likely that story will eventually wind up ending like this...



This video cracked me up, but it also served to remind me just how important marriage is and just how tragic our culture's conception of it has become. Worth thinking about.

An Awesome Four Years

Yesterday, Heather and I celebrated four years of marriage. What an amazing thing it is to think about the blessing that God has given me in her. Guys, whether it's your anniversary or not, take time today to reflect on God's incredible grace as experienced through your wife. I love you, baby!

Sola5 Wednesday Recap - 7/1/09

This weekly topic is an effort to recap the Wednesday night Bible study I teach at Sola5, my youth group. I hope it serves to help us all in contemplating the ceaseless riches of God’s grace as revealed through the Scriptures.

After a very busy June, last night was our first regular Sola5 Bible study in nearly a month. It was great to be back with all my students again as we continued our summer question and answer series, “You Asked For It.” We looked at the question, “Why was Jesus never involved in a romantic relationship with a woman?” This is a question that has popped up more often over the last few years since the release of the book and movie The DaVinci Code. For those unfamiliar, the novel is about a professor who discovered the long-buried secret that Jesus actually married Mary Magdalene and had a child with her. Why does this bother Christians so much? After all, marriage is a gift from God, right? Genesis 2:24 holds it up as the most precious of all human relationships. Heck, an entire book of the Bible (Song of Solomon) is devoted to it! So why, then, did Jesus never pursue romance?

I tried to answer the question in two ways. The was to answer historically – why don’t we believe that Jesus ever married? Why do we find Dan Brown’s version of history so problematic. Well, quite simply, the Bible doesn’t say anything about Jesus getting married (or indeed entering a romantic relationship of any kind) or having a family. Now, the Bible doesn’t tell us everything there is to know about Jesus (in fact, John tells us that all the libraries in the world couldn’t hold the books required for that), so some might say that this is perhaps just a detail that the gospel writers left out. That hardly seems plausible, though. Wouldn’t you find it a little odd if you had a friend who you knew for years and they never mentioned the fact that they were married? That’s hardly a small detail. So, it would be equally as strange for the disciples to record Jesus life over 3+ years of ministry and never think to mention the fact that he was married with children.

The second aspect of the answer is to answer explanatorily – why didn’t Jesus pursue romance and marriage? On that front, the answer is a question of purpose. What was Jesus’ purpose in coming to earth? Though he was fully human like all of us (including sexual desires), he was also fully God, meaning his purpose on the earth was different than any other human being who has ever lived. His purpose was to save us from our sin by the sacrifice of his death and the power of his resurrection (John 3:16-17, Colossians 1:19-20). His purpose was to demonstrate to us by his life what God is like (John 18:37, Colossians 1:15). So then, the question to ask is this – did romance and marriage serve the purpose for which Jesus came? The answer would seem to be no. Jesus' task of traveling Israel preaching the coming of the New Covenant and dying to usher that covenant in caused him to live a life of singleness - with many friends and followers, but no wife or children to commit himself to. This shouldn't serve to denegrate marriage and family, but to highlight the supremacy of Christ's calling. In fact, 1 Corinthians 7:25-35 tells us that as important as the marriage relationship is, it is subject to a higher calling – our calling as followers of Christ.

This brings us to the point of application. If Christ’s purpose on earth dictated what he did in his life – even when it comes to romance – then each of us must ask ourselves, “What is my purpose?” As Christians, we live to glorify God and to take his gospel to all people. That, then, is the filter that we need to pass our conception of dating, romance, and marriage through. Last night, I asked several questions to get my students thinking in this direction. First, why do you date? I would bet that most American teens get their concept of dating from the culture. I certainly did when I was in high school. However, one look at the divorce rate in this country should tell us that our culture’s view of romance isn’t exactly one worth emulating. Stop dating because it’s what your friends are doing and start asking yourself what you’re looking for. Are you dating to find a potential spouse? Is that something that you’re ready for at this stage of your life? If you’re not dating with marriage as the goal, then what is it you’re after - and is it something that is honoring to God? Secondly, who do you date? We have an explicit command in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 not to marry a non-Christian. If the purpose of your dating is to seek a spouse (and again, if it’s not, then what are you doing?), then it follows that you have no business dating an unbeliever. What sort of person are you looking for in a mate? All the good looks and all the personality in the world won’t mean a rip when you are an infinity apart on the most foundational aspect of human existence – your relationship to God. Thirdly, should you date? As I said earlier, we tend to be big cultural followers in this area. Have you ever stopped to ask whether the purpose that God has for your life is served by dating? Perhaps some, like Paul, will never marry in order to follow the calling God has placed on your life. Perhaps some will, like Peter, embark on a life of Christian ministry and balancing it with family life. Some will be called to singleness for a time in their lives to follow where God is leading, and some may meet their spouse in high school, and marry young, like Heather and I did. The point of it all is this – are you willing to submit your dating life and your search for a spouse to the wisdom of God’s word, or are you going to follow the lead of our culture which sprints headfirst into romantic or sexual behavior that is pointless at best and destructive at worst? Are you cultivating a biblical worldview, where what you know to be true about God and his word actually impacts the way you see the world and live your life? Wherever you’re at in life, take time this week to rethink the way you view romance and to pursue it (or not) to the glory of God.

Where Do You Wanna Eat?

This is so funny...and so true.



HT: Vitamin Z

Sola5 Wednesday Recap - 3/25/09

This weekly topic is an effort to recap the Wednesday night Bible study I teach at Sola5, my youth group. I hope it serves to help us all in contemplating the ceaseless riches of God’s grace as revealed through the Scriptures.

In last night’s study of the book of Ecclesiastes, we picked up the same theme that we explored last week, namely, the marks of a life being lived wisely with God as its focus. We looked at Ecclesiastes 7:14-29, examining three truths from the text, sought to understand them, and then discussed how they affect our lives, right here and right now.

First, in verses 14-19, we looked at the first truth – appearance isn’t everything. Solomon discusses the fact that a wise man realizes that the same God has created both the day of prosperity and the day of disaster. He talks about the things he has seen in his life that make little sense to us – often, it seems, the bad guys win and the good guys lose. The world’s reaction to this is reflected to us by Solomon in these verses – don’t be overly righteous (and end up a martyr or a doormat) or overly evil (and end up in trouble and misery), but just live life and look out for yourself. However, how should the Christian react? Solomon tells us that the same God is in control of both the good and bad things that befall us, a God who is perfectly wise and good. The implication, then, is that there is design and a reason behind all things, even when we can’t or don’t see it. Appearances aren’t everything, for our sovereign creator is always at work, weaving the story of human history for his glory and our good. Thus, our reaction should be a trust in him that runs deeper than circumstances. We can lean on him, depend on him, find joy in him – even when times are difficult – a lesson powerfully demonstrated in the life of the prophet Habakkuk.

In verses 20-24, we examined the fact that true wisdom causes humility. Solomon asserts that we all are fallen and tainted by sin. We cannot be too quick to harshly judge others when they wrong us, because we know that we’ve done the same thing to others ourselves. He even admits that though he dedicated his life to the pursuit of wisdom, there is still much about the world that he cannot figure out. True wisdom brings with it a right view of ourselves. We see sins and shortcomings, and we see that we’re not nearly as significant and important as we’d imagined. Thus, true wisdom directs itself outward, building others up rather than calling attention to ourselves. This same lesson is one that Paul taught to the Christians at Corinth, rebuking them for allowing their spiritual knowledge to destroy those around them.

Finally, in verses 25-29, Solomon drives home the truth (which he had come to realize all too well) that marriage is serious business. He talks about a fate worse than death – a woman who serves as a spiritual trap for a man. This could easily be true with the genders flipped – the point is that romantic relationships can easily be a snare rather than the blessing God intended. Solomon learned this lesson the hard way, with his many wives leading him away from God for much of his life. For the teens in my group, marriage seems like a distant prospect. However, this truth has major implications for them as they navigate the minefield that is our modern concept of dating. Consider how strongly Solomon warns against giving ourselves emotionally to the wrong person – he calls it a fate worse than death. There is no person who will have a greater influence on you than the person you marry. This raises the stakes when it comes to looking for that person. Thus, I asked my students, “What are you looking for?” What is it that you are drawn to in the people you’re attracted to? What sort of influence would they have on your spiritual life? Are they someone who will build you up in your love for Christ? If not, then what on earth are you chasing? Romance and marriage are among the most amazing gifts God has given us (for proof, you need go no further than the next book in the Bible, The Song of Solomon). However, it can also be among the most deadly of traps if we’re not seeing it as an avenue for glorifying God, just like everything else Ecclesiastes has discussed. Ultimately, our reaction to difficult times, our level of humility, and our approach to dating and marriage will say a lot about whether we’re living our lives unto God or living the wasted, vain, worldly lives that Solomon warns against. Take stock of these things, and look inward. What do they tell you about yourself?

Why We Don't Understand Headship in Marriage

"Just as Jesus redefined greatness as being a servant in Matthew 20, Paul redefines being the head [in marriage] as having the responsibility to love, to give oneself, and to nurture [his wife]." - Jeff Stinnett

Check out the full sermon, preached at my church on December 7th, here. Great stuff.

Sola5 Wednesday Recap - 7/30/08

This weekly topic is an effort to recap the Wednesday night Bible study I teach at Sola5, my youth group. I hope it serves to help us all in contemplating the ceaseless riches of God’s grace as revealed through the Scriptures.

Last night, we continued our summer Q&A series “You Asked For It” by taking a look at an issue that hits very close to home for many people. The question asked was “What Does the Bible say about divorce and remarriage?” Certainly, there are none of us who are completely untouched by the pain of a divorce. This makes the issue a difficult one to discuss, as emotions can often run very deep. However, my interest last night wasn’t in commenting on divorce as it pertains to the parents or family members of my students, but in ensuring that they understand what God intends marriage to be so that they may have strong, God-glorifying marriages themselves one day.

To understand the Bible’s teaching on divorce, we looked at Matthew 19:1-12, where Jesus tackles the topic head-on. The Pharisees approach him with a question, once again intending to trap him into a no-win situation so that he loses stock in the eyes of the massive crowds that followed him around. They bring up the question, “Is it okay for a man to divorce his wife for any cause?” Since the Old Testament law made provisions for divorce (though not for “any cause” and certainly not commending it), if Jesus says no then it appears he is rejecting the Law of Moses. If he says yes, then his moral authority takes a big hit. However, Jesus approaches their question from a different angle, pointing out that they’re beginning in the wrong place entirely. Jesus points out that to ask questions about the permissibility of divorce is to miss the point of marriage entirely. In essence, he tells us not to plan for failure. Jesus takes them farther back, to Genesis 2:24, to discover God’s plan and purpose in marriage, which is for a man and a woman to become one in an inseparable union, forsaking all others. In marriage, God joins two people together on a level that we can’t fully understand, and so Jesus says that we have no business undoing what God has done. If we go into marriage looking for an exit strategy in case things go south, then we show that we don’t fully understand what marriage is to begin with. Marriage is an incredibly difficult commitment, and if you’re planning in any small way to fail, you probably will.

At this point, the Pharisees think they have Jesus cornered. Since he’s saying that divorce is not an option, they seize on the moment and point out the fact that Moses permits divorce in Deuteronomy 24. They fire this comment at Jesus with a bit of a “what then?!?” flair. However, Jesus here points out that we shouldn’t confuse “could” with “should.” Christ says that because of human sinfulness, divorce was accommodated. However, it is never commanded and it is never a positive. Christ says that divorce is a betrayal of what God intends marriage to be. He comes down strongly, saying that divorce and remarriage is adultery, allowing only one provision for cases of “sexual immorality.” Now, the common interpretation is that Jesus is allowing an out in cases of adultery. While this interpretation is common, I’m not entirely convinced by it. You see, there’s a perfectly good word in the Greek language for adultery, and Jesus doesn’t use it here – he uses a more vague term. Some believe (and I think a rather good case can be made) that he is here referring to immorality during the betrothal period - a time like modern-day engagements but much more substantial, to the point that a divorce was required to dissolve the betrothal. This is what I believe the text is saying here, but I’ll admit that I’m not 100% certain. At any rate, even if divorce is permissible in cases of adultery, that doesn’t mean it’s commendable. After all, we – as the bride of Christ – are unfaithful to him time and time again, and he never “divorces” us spiritually speaking. He always forgives and promises to never leave us or forsake us. My question is, as Christians, why would we think we are called to anything less in our marriages or any other part of our lives? If I’m truly committed to my wife, I shouldn’t be looking for unfaithfulness great or small as an opportunity to abandon my commitment.

Realizing the high calling he’s just issued, Jesus further pleads with us not to take marriage lightly. The disciples’ reaction to his teaching is to say that a person is better off not getting married at all! Notice that Jesus doesn’t attempt to take the edge off their sentiment in any way, but he affirms that this is a calling that not all will be able to handle. Marriage is not something we should ever enter into on a whim, but knowing that it is a matter of the greatest joy – and also the greatest responsibility. I hope and pray that God would make me a better husband to my wife and strengthen my love for and commitment to her, and I pray the same for you if you are married. If you’re divorced, know that God is a God of grace, and no sin is too great to be covered by the cross of Christ. And if you’re unmarried, may you take with great gravity the teaching of Christ about the seriousness of marriage vows – for only when we see the gravity and significance of marriage will we truly be ready to experience its deep joys and the profound mystery that points us to Christ.

The Don't Song

For all you husbands out there, here's a great video to help you increase your marital peace - with just the right amount of early-90's flare.

HT: Denny Burk